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professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

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caledoniarps:

I don’t know about you guys but I am psyched to get an education, woo. This year is a hella important year for me because if I don’t finish this school year with five As then I am a dead man walking, you get me? So this started off as a collection to help me get those fabulous As but I thought, what the hell? I’ll share this perfection with everyone else because sharing is caring. Anyways, down to the nitty gritty

001. CALEDONIA’S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE

002. WRITE LIKE A FUCKING ANGEL

003. READING ISN’T ONLY FOR NERDS AND FANGIRLS

004. STUDY MOTHER FUCKER

005. LEARNING SHIT

006. PRESENTING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SCHOOL WORK AY

007. USEFUL WEBSITES BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS A WONDERFUL PLACE /SOMETIMES/

008. MUSIC TO CALM DOWN UR SCHOOL DAY BLUES YO

009. ALL THIS STUDYING??? YOU NEED A BREAK, MY FRIEND.

010. TIPS FOR SCHOOL N STUFF BCUS I WANTED TEN BITS

  • try your best. not everyone can get all As, and getting all As does not make you better than everyone else. just do the best you can and be the best person you can be.
  • don’t sleep in class! i know it seems so so tempting but slept my way through geography last year and i got a C in my exam instead of the expected A so…
  • Don’t tick off your teacher, follow the rules to an extent, get to class on time, respect your classmates and teachers. you know, just be a decent person.
  • be positive!!! and not just for the first week or so, keep the positivity going throughout the whole school year. if you don’t believe in yourself then why should anyone else?
  • "you can do it, wildcat, i believe in u" — something troy bolton said one time probably definitely
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